Be Careful What You Wish For, You May Receive It!

Yet more changes appear to be on my horizon. Lately I feel like many of the situations I find myself in are giving me an opportunity to examine and evaluate (and re-evaluate) my life and choices I've made and determine whether or not I'm ready to pursue something I've always wanted to do.

Recently, an opportunity availed itself to me that has caused me to try to figure out how serious I am about my favorite hobby - pottery! Clay is something I've dabbled in sporadically since high school. I've never had any "formal" education in the medium since I chose to drop out of commercial art school after just 4 short weeks, which is a whole 'nother story about choices. But I've always managed to keep ceramics in my life in some form or another, either by taking (or even teaching) a class here and there at various art centers or setting up a makeshift studio on my back porch, or finally a "real" studio, at our last permanent residence before we adopted our current nomadic lifestyle.

I've always felt like I've never been able to give it my full attention. I've always wondered if I could ever become "successful" at it, if I was able to truly focus on it as more than just a sporadic, but enjoyable hobby.

During our winter in Asheville, I became quite interested in salt-firing, but this method of firing requires a rather expensive kiln and some expertise that I don't feel I've acquired yet. But earlier this week, a good friend of mine who also happens to be a knowledgeable potter, and was aware of my interest, e-mailed me about a situation that could enable me to pursue this dream that's been cogitating in my feeble brain.

(The object of my desire.....)

Unfortunately it seems that whenever I find myself on the brink of realizing a dream, a little voice inside my head says, "Be careful what you wish for...." Up until just a few minutes ago, I really couldn't remember where I had ever heard this phrase, or what is the unstated but seemingly dire implication of obtaining that which we have wished for.

So, I googled it.........."be careful what you wish for...." and now I remember!! It was a quote at the beginning of a short story I read, probably in a junior high or high school English class, called The Monkey's Paw. In this story, an old couple is given a "magical" monkey's paw by a friend of the family. According to legend, the owner of the paw will be granted 3 wishes. Typically, the first thing the couple wish for is "riches" in the form of 200 pounds. Unfortunately, the wish is fulfilled by the death of their only son, who is killed by a horrible accident at his place of employment. His parents are given monetary compensation by his employer which of course is equal to the amount that the couple had wished for. A few days later in the midst of their grief, the wife, remembers the monkey's paw and convinces her husband to wish that their son be brought back to life. He reluctantly agrees, and shortly thereafter they hear a knock at the door. Suddenly, the husband realizes that if it truly is their son at the door, brought back to life by the wish, they may not want to see him in the state he's in, considering he was mutilated by the accident and has been dead for several days. The father quickly makes his third wish and when his wife opens the door, there's no one there.

I don't really think that buying this kiln will have such dire consequences, but I have come to realize that when we wish for something, we usually don't take all the facts into consideration when we imagine what the granting of that wish might entail. When I was young, I thought that I would be eternally happy if only I could have a horse. That wish was eventually granted for me, and my horses did bring me much happiness! If I had it to do over again, I would in a heartbeat! But I didn't realize the amount of time, money, and work that horse ownership required. It was more than I anticipated, but I also think that owning a horse helped me to develop a good work ethic, and patience, and many other benefits that I never realized would come with the blood, sweat and tears of the responsibility.

Similarly, I always wanted to own a small farm (this wish probably goes hand-in-hand with the previous wish!) Again, I had no clue that one never truly owns a farm, the farm owns you! But, also, I would do it again in a heartbeat (and apparently I will be soon, if we acquire the 18 acres in New Castle that we've made an offer on!)

So, yesterday and today I've been wrestling with the idea of buying this kiln (and a few other pieces of equipment) that would motivate, actually force me, to truly commit myself to being a potter. As I told a friend of mine, I guess it will make me finally shit or get off the (proverbial) pot!!

And as always seems to be the case, 2 fears stand in my way: the fear of failure and the fear of success!! I'm sure that my fear of failure is understandable and needs no explanation. Will I be able to produce quality work? Will anyone be willing to buy it? The real question is, will I be able to produce INCOME to justify the expense of the equipment?

But how can I be fearful of success?? I think of questions like, will the work consume me? Will I begin to hate the very process that I enjoy right now because I can do it when I want to, not because I HAVE to??

I also worry that I'm a little long in the tooth to be entering the phase of "emerging artist." Fercryinoutloud, I'm 47 years old!! Most days I would describe myself as a "submerging artist!!"

And then there's a 3rd fear that looms, the fear of regret. What if I spend the money on this equipment and months or years from now, find myself regretting it?

I have to say that I think my fear of regret is what has ultimately helped me make my decision. At this point in my life I feel like we can afford to take the financial risk, I feel like I've probably got more time on my hands than I've had available to me at any other time (even with the new grand-baby and the new home) and I feel like the classes I took in North Carolina, and the friends I've made recently will give me the resources I need to pursue this dream! I am truly afraid that if I DON'T take advantage of this opportunity, I'll definitely regret it!!

I have to admit that I've prayed about this a lot and I've been waiting for some kind of "sign from God" to show me what I'm supposed to do. I also have to admit that over the years, I've never really felt like God's reached down and hit me over the head with any obvious signs! It's usually been more a case of going into something with the right attitude. When I can do that, it seems to work out better. And that attitude has got to be something like, OK, let's give this a try and see where God takes me with it. When I've had an attitude of, "I need to do this no matter what the cost to me or my family...." it just has never worked out very well. I usually end up exhausted and disappointed because the cost turns out to be much more than I ever imagined, monetarily, physically, and emotionally!

I also think it's important that Steve backs me up in this endeavor. I've made a lot of decisions that he hasn't been too happy about (and of course he's made some boner decisions that I was against too.) It seems like if we're not on the same page when it comes to major decisions like this, stuff just doesnt work. But, we talked about this extensively and he seems to be very supportive, he told me to "go for it!" I know he has some worries and concerns, just like I do, but knowing that he's backing me up makes me feel like maybe I can pull it off!! Unfortunately, it also means I can't blame him if I fall flat on my face, dammit!!!

Actually, I think my point is somewhat similar to the point of the story I mentioned earlier. My desire to have God show me what to do is a form of wanting to leave my decision to fate. In the story, this point is illustrated in a conversation between two of the characters. The friend of the family who reluctantly gives the magical monkey's paw to the old man, tries to explain to him that having 3 wishes granted may not be as delightful of an occurrence as he would imagine. At one point something is said to the effect that fate rules people's lives, and that those who interfere with it "do so to their sorrow."

I'm hoping that this sweet deal that appears to have fallen into my lap at just the right time is a case of fate (or in my mind, God) ruling my life!! Of course I also believe that He require us to "take a leap of faith" once in awhile. I guess that's what I hope I'm doing!

Only time will tell, but over the years it seems like when I let Him be in control, things seem to go a whole lot smoother!

To blog, or not to blog..............

Sometimes I wonder about what sort of things are appropriate to blog about. We've had lots of things going on and while some of them were happening, I had the urge to blog about them, but I wasn't sure if it was a good idea or not because of the "public" aspect of a blog. I think that aspect is probably partially responsible for the popularity of blogs, and I don't think that there are really all that many people who are taking the time to read my blog, but it is "out there" for people to see, so I find myself wondering whether or not I want to post certain things.

So, at least now I probably have managed to elevate the curiosity of both people on the planet who do occasionally check in on my meanderings! And I think that I will mention the occurrence that I'm alluding to because it has had a happy ending (so far.)

We spent last Sunday afternoon hanging out in the emergency room of Bethesda North Hospital because my father-in-law had a stroke. It's not a pleasant way to spend a beautiful Sunday afternoon, but I'm thankful that if this had to transpire, it happened in close proximity to a place that was equipped to deal with it. I'm pleased to report that my father-in-law is now in his own home with no apparent side-effects or damage from the whole ordeal. Steve spent a couple days with him to make sure he was truly doing ok, and to talk to his family doctor and get him set up with a medic alert system.

Steve reported to me that the medic alert system is pretty amazing regardless of how dumb the commercials make them seem. When you're talking about maintaining independence and dignity for a relative who's going to be 80 years old this summer, it's nice to find an alternative to a nursing home or assisted living that's inexpensive and sensible. Steve says that when they installed the system and checked it out, they told his dad that he could use it if he just wants them to call one of us for any reason or if even if he's just feeling lonely and wants to talk to someone. I suppose it could make you feel a little paranoid, almost like you're being spied on, but I think it's definitely going to give Steve and his siblings some peace of mind regarding the well-being of their father.

I have a couple other pieces of news to report. The first thing is that we're still not grand-parents. Apparently "baby Stuie" is unaware and oblivious to the fact that he was supposed to have made his entrance into the world by now. I suppose he's going to take after his Uncle Dan, who was 2 weeks overdue and required surgical coaxing to see the light of day. And to provide yet more evidence that it must be genetic, I have to submit that Danny's lack of motivation can be traced directly to his father, the guy who put the "pro" in procrastination!! So it appears that we will have become official grand-parents by Monday (or Tuesday at the latest) because as of right now, the plan is for Megan to be induced if she doesn't show any signs of going into labor over the week-end.

In the midst of all this excitement we somehow managed to buy a new home. Well, technically, it's not a "new" home, it's actually a rather old home! But it's new to us. We bought an 18 acre property near New Castle, Indiana with a lovely old farmhouse and a beautiful 3-car garage that will serve as a wonderful pottery studio!

As I mentioned in a previous post, we had been looking in the Brown County area and weren't finding anything that looked extremely promising. I had also been having some concerns about the distance between Brown Co. and Steve's family in Ohio. So, I had started searching for properties between Indianapolis and Troy, rather than south of Indy. We came across this place a couple weeks ago, went to see it, liked it, made an offer, and it was accepted. Now, barring any unforseen issues cropping up during the inspection, it looks like we'll be moving in the last week-end in May! And with everything that's going on with Steve's dad, I think it's good that we didn't end up in Brown Co!!

I'll attach a few photos of the place since I haven't included many photos lately.

Here is the exterior of the house..........

It has a verrrrrrrry long lane! I won't need a Y membership, getting the mail will provide daily exercise!

The living room. I love the natural woodwork! That window will be the perfect spot for this year's Christmas tree!

No sliding down this bannister without a little reinforcement!!

I think it's going to be a fun place to live and have the grand-kids come and visit us! It's a little more house than we were thinking that we need, but this way we'll have plenty of room for family to stay in!! I'm pretty excited!

On Tuesday we have an inspection scheduled to determine whether or not there are any issues that may require attention (and money) in order to live in this house. Hopefully they won't find anything serious. We already have some fears about the septic system and some parts of the roof. We'll know more next week.

Also, next week, I will hopefully have some news on my grand-parent-hood status. And maybe I'll be able to post a few more pictures of the farm.

Until then.........keep on bloggin'! (that sounds lame!)

A Meandering Train of Thought

We are adjusting once again to new surroundings. This time we're parking our home in Indianapolis, well technically at the KOA in Greenfield, which is only about 15 minutes from The Sprawling Metropolis that is the home of the Colts and the Hoosiers, which apparently refers to both IU's mascot and natives of the state. I've tried to discover where the term was derived from, but the details are pretty sketchy.

As seems to be typical with KOAs, we're once again being lulled to sleep by the constant whine of traffic on the interstate. I would much prefer living near a train track!! I can make that statement with a level of confidence, since I grew up with a train track in my back yard. Our house was probably a couple of hundred yards from the train track and I never found the sound annoying. I actually enjoyed the clackety-clack rhythm of the train on the tracks. Sometimes our windows shuddered a bit, but even the whistle blowing had a somewhat romantic, lonely sound to it.

Our dog, Ginger, LOVED to chase the train, and whenever one went by while she was in the back yard she would race back and forth barking at it frantically! Luckily our yard was fenced so she wasn't in any danger.

Living near the train even provided some opportunities for adventure when we were young. I think we talked about putting a penny on the track but we were afraid it might cause the train to derail! We also discovered a "short-cut" for walking to school thanks to some neighbors who lived "on the other side of the tracks" (literally.) At first my mom didn't want us going that way, but she eventually realized it was pretty safe. It's not like you can't hear a train coming and we had to cross the tracks at some point to get to school!

In the early 70s, my neighbor, who was MUCH older, probably in high school or college (and who I might have had a little crush on) decided to experience the hobo lifestyle for a couple days. So he and a buddy hopped a freight train and rode it to some point up north. I don't remember how far, probably only a couple hundred miles. I also don't remember how he got home, possibly another less adventurous buddy picked them up. He must've been in college and maybe home for the summer. I seem to remember that his folks weren't too happy about the situation, but they apparently felt he was old enough that they couldn't stop him. (I can't believe they didn't use that tried and true parental stand-by, "As long as you're under my roof, you'll abide by my rules.") I guess they figured there were worse things he could be doing. I remember my mom talking about it, but nobody seemed extremely upset. He was a good kid and I think his parents viewed it as a sort of "rite of passage" into adulthood or something. Of course, I didn't have all this figured out back then, I was probably only 8 or 9 years old. But looking back on it now from my own parental viewpoint, I think that might have been what was going on.

I remember that the neighbor boy's adventure caused my mom to do a little research about hobos. (I'm sure that I inherited my inquisitive nature from her, she would've LOVED the Internet if only she'd been born a little later.) There's nothing more fun to me than googling some obscure topic, but since that wasn't an option back then, she opened our well-worn set of "World Book Encyclopedias" (which I think had been purchased from a door-to-door salesman. Either that, or she had bought them with S&H Green Stamps. We got a lot of products that way!)

She found it interesting that hobos developed a method of communication between themselves. They would draw symbols on a tree or fence or rock in front of the house or establishment that they had just visited that would let other hobos know whether or not the residents would be sympathetic toward transient types. I think that I even wrote up a paper about it for school at some point.

By that time, the era of hobos had pretty much played itself out, but we would occasionally see people hitching a ride in a boxcar. According to wikepedia, hobos also had a lingo of their own. Here are a few of the more colorful phrases:

• Barnacle - a person who sticks to one job a year or more
• Bone polisher - A mean dog
• California Blankets - Newspapers, intended to be used for bedding
• Catch the Westbound - to die
• Chuck a dummy - Pretend to faint
• Reefer - A compression of "refrigerator car".
• Sky pilot - a preacher or minister
• Stemming - panhandling or mooching along the streets
• Tokay Blanket - drinking alcohol to stay warm
• Yegg - A traveling professional thief

Up until I was probably 8 or 9, there was a passenger train that ran from our town to Wapokenta, OH (if memory serves.) One time my cousin's cub scout troop took a ride on it and my mom made signs for my sister and me to hold so we stood out in the back yard and holding those signs and waving to him when the train went by. I don't remember if he said he saw us. I would doubt it, the train was obviously going pretty fast.

So why did I even start this "train of thought"?? Oh yeah, I was saying that I wouldn't want to buy a house that's close to a busy highway but I wouldn't mind living near a train track. I also wouldn't want to live near an airport. Having jets constantly flying low overhead is pretty annoying. And I always worry that one of them will crash!

I wouldn't mind living next to a cemetery or funeral home though. Again, probably because the house I lived in when I was a child was located near a funeral home and a cemetery. We actually lived "2 doors down" from the funeral home and one of my schoolmates lived in a house behind it because her dad owned the funeral parlor. (She later went to school to be a mortician and took over the family business.)

The funeral home wasn't there when I was first born. Up until the time I was about 3 or 4 years old, there was a field with horses there. That seems so strange to me, because we lived almost downtown!! I have a feeling that having horses next door when I was growing up probably contributed to my love of horses.

But living next to a funeral parlor also provided some benefits for kids. They put in a HUGE paved parking lot, and as long as there wasn't a funeral or visitation going on, we were allowed to ride our bikes and rollerskate all over the place! We spent many, many hours over there taking advantage of that vast amount of blacktop!

On the other side of the funeral home were 2 or 3 houses, then a little church and then a cemetery. We actually never spent any time playing in the cemetery, I admit I was a little weird, but not completely morbid!! I do remember that every 4th of July, the city would shoot fireworks from the stadium which was just around the corner from our house and we would walk down to the cemetery and sit on the rock wall to watch the fireworks. One time piece of firework shrapnel landed on the roof of a house across the street (a huge old mansion where a local rich widow lived, now the Troy Board of Education.) It began to smolder and our neighbor went up and knocked it off and made sure the roof didn't catch fire. 4th of July excitement!!

After Steve and I got married and the kids came along, we would drive into Troy for the fireworks and park in the funeral home lot and put our chairs or a blanket in the grass and watch the fireworks from there. The people who owned the funeral home were very supportive of the community and never seemed to mind ('cos we weren't the only ones who took advantage of it!) I'm sure they never scheduled any funerals that would coincide with the 4th of July! And anyways, the fireworks never started 'til 10 pm.

So, I guess I must be feeling a little nostalgic right now. I'm sure it has a lot to do with this upcoming grand-baby! Yesterday we took Megan out for breakfast at a little cafe near their house. While we were eating, that old Loggins and Messina song, Danny's Song, was playing in the background . That song was one of my favorites when I was pregnant with our son, Danny (and yes, even had some influence on the choice of his name.) I almost got a little teary eyed while we were sitting there (luckily no one noticed!) It just doesn't seem like it could have been all that long ago that Steve and I were in the same situation that Dustin and Megan are in right now, awaiting the birth of our firstborn. I started remembering the feelings of wonder and excitement and even fear, that they're probably experiencing right now!!

And I also started thinking that it's pretty amazing in this day and age that her dad and I are still married and still pretty happy!!

Like the song says:

Even though we ain't got money,
I'm so in love with ya honey,
Everything will bring a chain of luh--uh-uh-uh-uhv....
And in the mornin' when I rise,
Ya bring a tear of joy to my eyes
And tell me everything is gonna be alright.

(sigh....)

Looking for Bears

Yesterday we took the dogs for a short hike in the woods around the KOA. It's a nice little trail, but short. The trails at Campfire Lodgings offered at least a couple miles of hiking (and not as much highway traffic noise!)

Something else I noticed that was missing was a little excitement. The knowledge that we could possibly see a bear on the trails actually brought a sense of adventure to our hikes, even short ones. (Like a night-time doggie potty break!!)

I suppose life's like that. We know we're going to come across the unexpected, but as long as we feel equipped to handle it, it's not as scary or overwhelming. Until we actually experienced a couple of bear sightings, I found the possibility more troubling. But once I realized that the bear was more afraid of us than we were of it......well, it wasn't quite so stressful.

I guess that the things in life that cause the most stress are things we haven't yet experienced, things we don't expect, and things we don't feel equipped to handle. Experiences like a new job, losing a job, a new relationship, moving to a new area, or facing a serious illness can all cause stress. But the more we experience these situations and learn how to live through them, the better equipped we are to deal with new ones.

I dunno, it's just Sunday morning ramblings. I'm also pondering what in the world causes people to claim to have seen Bigfoot or have had an alien encounter. Unfortunately, I'm not having much success articulating my ponderings so I'm giong to end this post for now.

Back "Home" Again, in Indiana

This morning when I took the lid off the milk carton, it almost shot into the air like a champagne cork. Hmmmm, perhaps I should check the expiration date. MARCH 12!!!! No wonder my cereal tasted funny yesterday!! That's kinda the way things have felt to me lately, not quite right, but you're not exactly sure why. (Well, I'm pretty sure I know why the milk tasted funny.)

When I woke up yesterday morning and stepped into the living area, the window shades were up and it was mildly startling to be greeted by vastly different scenery from what has been residing outside these very windows for the last 6 months. That's the strange part I've noticed about living in a camper. The inside starts to feel like home, but when you move, you have to readjust to the outside. It probably wouldn't be as noticeable if we weren't staying in one place for 6 months before moving on.

We've come across quite a few people who are taking a year or 2 and living in their camper while traveling across the US. Some are retirees, some are semi-retirees, some are our age some are younger. Some have kids that they're homeschooling on the road, others have dogs (actually almost all of them have at least one dog.) Some of them are working while traveling and others planned not to work during their travels, but are going to go back someday.

We've also come across a lot of people who have said, "We've always wanted to do that" and I have to think to myself, "well why haven't you?" I understand that some circumstances could prevent or postpone it, but I think if it's truly something you've "always wanted to do" you'll figure out a way. There are as many possibilities as there are human beings!

I would say that over all it's been a fun year and embracing this lifestyle even just for a year was probably one of the best decisions we've ever made! I know that Steve would continue living this way indefinitely, he loves the freedom and the fewer number of responsibilities that we seem to have. I, on the other hand, am fairly ready to settle down again and have a less mobile home. I still want to take some trips and see more of the country. I'm hoping we can figure out a lifestyle that will still allow us to travel, more than we used to be able to.

But I also want to have my own flower bed and garden and lots more storage and wall space for hanging art and shelves for pottery!! A home that doesn't rock when the wind blows. A kitchen with a little more counter space. And being within an easy drive from that grand-baby that will be here in the next few weeks!

Some of my friends think I was a little crazy to have embraced this nomadic lifestyle. They can't imagine not having a "home" and not knowing exactly where you might be parking your camper next week. Others of my friends think I'm crazy to want to give this up to settle down again. There are aspects about both ways of life that are appealing, and other areas that are not so appealing.

I have to admit, there have been some stressful times. Right now I'm feeling a little overwhelmed. We're trying to figure out where to establish permanent residence and there are so many factors to consider!! Some of the questions include, the distance from children/grand-children; the distance from Steve's dad; whether or not the area will be compatible for making and selling pottery; what kind of jobs will be available for if/when we both need to start looking for more gainful employment. How much can we afford to spend? I think we've decided that we want to avoid going into debt if possible, and we would like to have a few acres so we can try to be somewhat self-sustaining. It's a lot to consider and I'm not naturally a patient person. I would like to get everything figured out asap and it just doesn't seem like things fall into place as quickly as I'd like them to. The thing I have to keep reminding myself is that things do eventually seem to fall into place if I pray alot and learn to be more patient!

I want to get settled so I can get my hands back into some clay 'cos I'm afraid that I may lose the momentum I feel like I gained when we were in North Carolina! But I can always pick up where I left off. I talked with a really nice potter once at an art festival in Columbus. It was last spring at a time when I hadn't been able to pot for awhile. I believe he asked me if I was a potter and I was lamenting the fact that I didn't feel like one because I hadn't been able to produce any work lately. He told me that he thinks a potter is always a potter, if they're thinking about pots all the time. I suppose it's true of any passion that a person has. If you think about what it is you're passionate about every day, you'll remain passionate about it. Sometimes I think it's even beneficial to have a period of time where you're not actually doing the action, but putting lots of forethought into it. I think that visualization can be an extremely positive force.

Eventually, though, you have to actually take all those thoughts and put them to use, or else you're just a dreamer and while I think that a dreamer is a fine thing to be, you're missing out on the whole point if you never actually make your dreams a reality!

Someone named Walter Mueller said, "The difference between visionaires and dreamers is that visionaries make the dreams come true." (I love quotationspage.com!!)

By the same token, I think we have to be careful that we don't become so obsessed with achieving our goals that we forget to enjoy the people and circumstances that we're involved with in the process. That's something I have to constantly remind myself to do, enjoy the moment. There's always something to be gained from whatever it is we're going through, whether that moment seems good, bad, or just plain boring!!

So here's to walking that fine line between being a dreamer and being a visionary. The main thing to remember is to be sure to enjoy the walk!!

Striking a balance

I'm beginning to feel a little worried. I started this blog as a way to keep track of what has been going on the last 12 months. I suppose that my genetic pre-disposition to forget important happenings was the major "prompting" factor. But when I re-read my posts, I begin to worry that I'm being too dry and ....... factual. My goodness, if anyone besides myself and an obligatory relative read this, well, when I look back at my posts, I pick up on some major, yawn factor (shall I say?)

So perhaps today would be a good time to ramble about deep things, like the meaning of life and whatnot. So here goes!!

Some days, I think of myself as an artist. I spend the day at the studio, and I'm on the wheel, feeling as if I'm "in the zone" cranking out work like nobody's business. (Well, not as fast as some production potters I've had the pleasure of knowing, but at a pretty good clip for me.)

I enjoyed eavesdropping on a make-up class one day being taught by one of the instructors at the studio. After seeing the work being produced by her students and hearing some of her class lectures, I wish I had signed up to take her class this session instead of the one I did. But of course, then I wouldn't have been able to continue focusing on my decorating skills. There aren't enough hours in the day.

What I liked about this instructor's teaching was the critiques she conducted with her students. The way she talked about their work was extremely positive but somehow she managed to make suggestions about something they could do that would make the piece more interesting, or improve its design. I've been trying to do that on my own, but sometimes it's nice to have input from an impartial observer; someone who doesn't have the blood, sweat, and tears, invested in a piece that might taint my view of it. This instructor seems to be able to do that without devastating the person who put that blood, sweat, and tears into the piece of work. That is an admirable skill.

Of course I still have to spend time doing the real "job" that we came down here for - which unfortunately consists of the mundane type of chores I filled my time with the first 20 years of my marriage. Those years consisted of cleaning toilets (and behinds) and chasing dust around the house. I don't regret keeping my focus on "maintaining a home" during those years, as a matter of fact, when I look back on it, there's little I would change. However, I don't want that to be my focus now. Especially when the home I'm "keeping" is a rental unit on a campgrounds.

Fortunately, our decision to come down here during the winter meant that I actually did have enough free time on my hands to spend time at the studio attempting to perfect my ceramics skills.

I still find that I think of myself as more of a crafts person than an artist. I don't feel like my work is making any kind of statement, and I'm not sure I want it to. I like producing something that serves a specific function. (Obviously a painting or sculpture serves a function. It's decorating a wall or floor space, and sometimes also making some sort of social or political statement.) But I think that's what I like about pottery. Aside from liking the 3-dimensional characteristics of it, I like the fact that it's often something that a person might use on a daily basis.

I was telling a friend of mine about Andy Goldsworthy, He's an "environmental" artist who utilizes things in the natural environment to produce works of art. If you're not familiar with him, watch some of the videos posted on youtube. He is completely obsessed with the process of producing his art. I get the impression that it's more important to him than any of life's typical neccessities, like food, water, companionship, etc.

I don't feel as though I'm DRIVEN to produce pottery or art, it's just something I enjoy doing. (I suppose sometimes my husband thinks I'm obsessed with it, but I could spend many more hours on it than I do.) I've done it sporadically to put it mildly, over the years, with stretches lasting days, months, even years, of not even getting my hands muddy. Looking back, I can't say I would do it differently.

I know it sounds archaic, but I can't think of any career or job that would have been any more meaningful to me than taking care of my family was. Of course we had years where we struggled financially and I contributed by finding part-time jobs waiting tables or cleaning dog kennels or horse stalls. I can't say I regret doing any of that either. Well, the only thing I might regret is that it made life a little more hectic. I wish I could have enjoyed and observed many more moments of the kids' "growing up" years, but it was probably good that I had to learn how to budget my time. I had to prioritize what was important.

Having several close friends and relatives pass away in a fairly short time period also forced me to re-prioritize what really mattered to me. It turns out that relationships and the time spent developing them, is the one thing that I think I will regret not spending more time on.

The pottery is fulfilling and enjoyable and I don't think I'd ever completely give it up, but I also don't see a reason to ever let it completely engulf my life. I hope that somewhere along the way I've learned to strike a balance.

I think that some of the current economic problems (and I hate talking politics) are actually a result of the breakdown of traditional family roles. YIKES!! Now that's something I would not have want to admitted 25 years ago!! But it seems as though it's become too commonplace for people to rely on 2 incomes and base their mortgage, car payments, and credit card debt on the dependence of 2 incomes. When one of those incomes suddenly disappears, that can cause major financial problems.

I also have always believed that if many women would be surprised if they calculated all the expenses that come with a career (and I'm only considering the financial expenses now, not the emotional expenses that come as part of it) I think it would be shocking how little income is produced by most full-time jobs, unless a woman is a doctor or lawyer, or owns a large, successful business.

When one figures in the cost of child-care, travel expenses, clothing for the job, and convenience meals, it's surprising how little is left from that paycheck for the work that went into producing it! I guess that it never really seemed worthwhile to me to work full-time. Of course I didn't have the education or experience to make it a difficult decision. It might have been more tempting to pursue a career outside the home if I could've made $40,000 a year. Or $140,000. I dunno, I like to think I would've still made raising my family my priority.

I know that many of my female friends would NOT want to return to the era where women were expected to stay home and cook and clean and raise the children, but part of me wonders if in some ways it might have been a relief to have the roles and expectations so clear. Part of me is glad that women have achieved more "equality" with men, especially in the workplace. I just wish that along the way we hadn't trivialized the importance of raising our children and creating a pleasant home environment. At least for those of us who chose to focus on that.

I guess I've started thinking about it more since my daughter is about to give birth. I think that she and her husband are going to make good decisions about what they need to focus on. I just wonder about other members of their generation who take it for granted that their children will go into daycare as quickly as possible.

Part of me understands why a woman doesn't want to lose her identity to her children, but another part of me thinks that mothers and fathers both should be a little more concerned about who, or what, is influencing their children, whether it's a baby-sitter, a day-care worker, a teacher, a playmate, the TV, or the X-box.

And how I managed to arrive at this topic when I started out talking about art and pottery is beyond me!! I believe this post has been a complete rambling rant!! Well, haven't had one for awhile, guess I'm entitled. Oh!! Entitlement - now there's a whole new topic to rant about. On another day!!

New Age Defying Breakthrough!!!

Ok, this press release made my day!! I got it from Yahoo! News so it must be true!!

Under the title, How Not to Look Old, the story reports that "a forthcoming study in the journal Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery offers one surprising idea: as you age, don't be afraid to put on a few pounds. Fat, it turns out, can significantly smooth out wrinkles and give you a younger-looking face." (I'll be doggoned!)

The authors of the study call it "volume replacement." (A politically correct term for "fat filling in wrinkles.") Unfortunately, it only appears to work for those of us over 40 (so I guess I was a little ahead of my time!) The study was conducted on pairs of twins. The article reports that "many of the twin pairs were of similar weight, but differences in how old they looked began to appear when one had a body mass index (BMI) at least four points higher than her sister. For twin pairs under 40, the heavier one looked significantly older. But surprisingly, after 40, that same four-point difference in BMI made the heavier twin look significantly younger."

So if you're like me, a member of the "after 40" crowd, go ahead and scarf that crispy creme!! It's less invasive than botox!

There IS a God!!

Info-mercials and what-not

Please allow me a few moments to engage in a rant against infomercials............

Who hasn't been tempted to "call in the next 10 minutes" by Vince, the impish, make that freakish, spokesperson for the amazing ShamWow?? I wonder who made the decision to hire this psychopath to sell their product? Is there anything about him that viewers might find appealing? Doesn't there need to be some type of appeal in order to dupe unwary consumers into buying worthless products? Apparently he did something right because now he's hawking a new product, the SlapChop You need to watch this commercial, the guy actually says, (and I quote) "You're gonna love my nuts." He then proceeds to chop almonds, walnuts, etc.

To be honest, I bought a very similar product a few years ago and I use it all the time. (FYI, my gadget "opens like a butterfly for easy cleaning" so it must be high quality!) Ok, I admit I probably paid more money for it than I should have, definitely more than "$24.95, but wait if you order in the next 10 minutes (and you know we can't do this all day) you'll also receive the Graty Chees Grater as a free bonus!! Just pay separate shipping and handling" which, when combined will surpass the total cost of the original product!!! If my chopper ever breaks, as God as my witness, I shall NEVER buy a SlapChop!!!

The main question I have about Vince's commercials is, what's the purpose of the cordless microphone he's wearing?? I just don't get it.

On to the next pitchman.....................

He doesn't have the disturbing evil eyebrow that Vince does, but almost as annoying is his predecessor, Billy Mays, the yell-talking salesman who began his descent, I mean ascent to stardom selling OxiClean. Hmmm, now that I'm actually wasting my time doing some research, I have discovered that ShamWow is in fact, an imitation of ZorbEEZ, a product that Billy Mays advertised several years ago. I remember that product now and I'm sure that a lawsuit is under way.

I've stumbled upon a funny website http://www.billymays.net/ where the owner is offering to sell Billy Mays the domain registration to his own name!!! For only $149.95 he's offering to sell the domain billymays.com for 3 easy payments, but wait, he'll throw in billymays.org if you call in the next three minutes!! That's pretty amusing.

I can't rant and rave about annoying commercials without mentioning the Headon Commercials. It's a commercial that actually points out its own annoyance factor. "Headon, I hate the commercial but I love the product." Be honest, has anyone actually bought this snake oil??

And speaking of snakes, my last annoying commercial for this evening (or this morning as the case may be) would have to be the one featuring Smilin' Bob, the pitchman for that "once daily tablet for male enhancement." Do you, like me, get that stupid, whistling theme song stuck in your head?? I really just wanna slap that smile off his geeky face, he creeps me out almost as much as Vince does!!

I'm afraid that I may have to continue this discussion on another day, there are so many annoying commercials and spokespeople out there that I could go on and on, but alas, I need to get some sleep. I hope I've gotten it out of my system. Goodnight! Operators are standing by.....

Celebrating Christmas (etc!!)

Christmas has come quickly yet again. It's going to be our first Christmas spent away from family members. (Not counting each other, of course!) I think we're going to get to be with them vicariously thanks to technology. Skype: the next best thing to being there!

On Sunday we had a small gathering with some of the other campers here. There are 2 couples who are here for extended periods. One of them suggested we have a small carry-in. We were able to use the Cliffhouse so we didn't have to cram ourselves into someone's camper. It was quite enjoyable and fun to get to know some of our "neighbors" a little better. The lady who organized it is from Colorado. She said she doesn't really celebrate Christmas, but likes to celebrate solstice so she brought a poem about it which she read for us. I also tried my hand at fixing a vegetarian soup option for one of the guests. I used tempeh for the first time, and I think the result was pretty tasty. I'm still eating the leftovers!! Asheville is definitely a diverse place, which I can find somewhat annoying at times, but I'm a lot more laid back than I used to be.

Here's a picture of our little Christmas/Solstice group in front of the cozy fireplace......

We had way more food than we could eat and even some home made wine that was quite delicious! Our group, from left to right is David & Sandra from GA, myself with the bulbous head (and body,) Tim & Krista (who are both almost completely overshadowed by my bulbous-ness, they're from CO) Steve (my Ohio co-hort,) Garret, and his grandparents, Barbara and Michael who all live several hours from here, but I can't remember exactly where. They were a fun group and stayed and visited for several hours after stuffing ourselves.

Getting back to the "diversity" of Asheville. I believe I feel a tangent coming on. Here are a few observations of things I've noticed about Asheville and its residents.

For one thing, there seem to be very few actual, full-time residents. Many folks seem to have vacation homes here and only reside here temporarily. There seems to be an extremely high number of people from Florida and among these, are a high number of people originally from NYC. I dunno what's up with that.

And those who are truly "locals" (as in living full-time in the area) most are generally not natives. Again, there's a large number of NYC/Florida people who have chosen to live here for some reason. I've met very few people who actually grew up anywhere in NC, let alone Asheville!

The car of choice down here is the Subaru. (At least we fit in somewhere!) Unfortunately, we still stand out because we don't have the back of our car plastered with bumper stickers. The Bumper Sticker Phenomena is worthy of mentioning as it's extremely prevalent down here. The most common BS sighting right now would be various forms of "Pro-Obama" stickers. Second on the list would be the anti-war stickers followed by various envirnonmental and "buy local" type of stickers, followed by all kinds of new-age, athiestic, and finally incoherent ramblings. There is a mini-pick-up down here with the front hood and fenders completely plastered with "Ron Paul for President" bumper stickers.

People down here seem to enjoy proclaiming whatever is important to them, whether on a bumper sticker, a t-shirt, a sign, a form of dress, or any combination of the aforementioned. I came across the perfect t-shirt, which I may have mentioned in a previous post that said, "If you're too werid for Asheville, you're too weird." I've also spotted a bumpersticker proclaiming ..."Asheville, where weird is normal and normal is weird." That pretty much sums it up for me!

It does keep things interesting!!

This is also one of the most pet-friendly areas I've visited! Dogs are allowed almost everywhere. Some of the restaurants allow patrons who are dining outside to have their dogs with them. I guess the health department down here doesn't consider themselves to be the self-appointed Nazis of public health like they do in Miami and Darke Co. Ohio!

I hope I don't sound overly cynical; I think it's been a good experience for me to see what it feels like to be somewhat of a "minority." I suppose that being stared at incredulously when I was the only person in my pottery class to turn down the offer of a free Obama pin doesn't really qualify me to classify myself as down-trodden. It could be rightly argued that what little I've experienced down here is NOTHING in comparison with what the member of a true minority is subjected to, but at least it's caused me to think about things I say a little more carefully. Maybe on occassion I'll weigh whether or not a careless comment I make might actually offend someone or hurt their feelings. I'm sure I'll still manage to be offensive to someone, but maybe I'll begin to becom a little more aware of my speech and actions, maybe I'll leave a better impression than I would have before.

I do find it somewhat ironic that even though the people here seem to think of themselves as progressive, diverse, open-minded and forward thinking, you might find yourself in heap o' trouble if they discover you happen to be a right-wing evangelical. I suppose it could be argued that this fear (which is basically a form of peer pressure) might make me so self-conscious of what I say, that I actually water down my beliefs to the point that I'm afraid to stand up for the things I do believe in. That's a legitimate concern also. Is there such thing as striking some kind of balance between having a belief system that you're not afraid to live out, but not shoving it down other people's throats? It's a question I constantly 'rassle with!

My, this has become a rather deep, rambling post. I think I had better sign off for today!

Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukuh, Joyous Solstice, Merry Kwanza, don't forget that Dec. 27 is National Fruitcake Day!! Here's a link to a daily holiday guide for the month of December. Enjoy!!